Seeing Yourself the right way

Growing up, I didn't attend church, I didn't have friends, only my siblings. Being a country girl I didn't have knowledge of the big city. I knew how to be only one person. Me!!! I didn't know me until one day I was looking up to the sky, the clouds looked like clabered milk, OK, so you don't know what clabered milk is. Mother use to milk the cow and some of the milk she would leave out so it would sour a little and in doing so it would clabered, it was very good eating with corn bread.

It wasn't the clouds but what I experienced. The clouds were to get my attention most likely,

For the first time I came to know that I was a person, God revealed that to me, I felt his Spirit, though I didn't know about his Spirit or even himself. God wasn't talked about in our house. I didn't know God existed. Needless to say, I didn't know how to deal with my feelings so I went on my way. I didn't have anyone to talk to about my feelings, guess I didn't know I should talk to someone, I was only a child. After that, I would take the old sears catalog we got through the mail and cut out paper dolls, people from the pages, I cut a mom, dad and children, I would make a place in the sand to hold up the family I had cut out. That was my doll playing. I remember saying to the dolls, to the daddy, when I marry it will be forever, now no one had ever talked about divorce or anything else so I don't know where that came from unless God put it in my heart, I was only about 7 or 8 years old at this time, but I remember it well.

When my husband Ray and I got married in 1954, he had to teach me a lot of things, I still didn't have God in my life. I did start to church and hear about God even got baptised.but I didn't take him serious. At church I met people who were different from me, they would tell me about these book I could read that would tell me how to!!!! How to do this and that. How to books. How to act like a different person, well, I can tell you that; time I got through reading the different books I didn't know who I was. I was so mixed up in my mind that I didn't recognize myself. Those books didn't help me, they only confused me. You see everyone has a different way of handling things. I was young and foolish with no education and was taking these books as the gospel. The one book I should have been reading was the Bible, Oh, these books had the color of the gospel but they were not the gospel.

God dealt with me but I didn't listen. I was miserable and couldn't think of anything but running away from what ever it was bothering me. I ran and ran and ran, I would push away the Spirit or what ever it was until I wasn't bothered by it anymore. God just went away for a little while and thank God it was just a little while.

God couldn't get me any other way so he gave me a dream that showed me where I was in life.

I was totally lost, walking in darkness, in fact I was trapped, with only one way to escape. In my dream I had lived my last hope, I was on the top of our house with an ocean of black tire rolling like an ocean toward me, I choose to get on top of the roof instead of run. in that dream I was trapped for ever and there were no place to go. The black tire was a warning, my sin was great even though I was a good girl, a good wife, good mother, just good all the way around. That didn't help me, I was still lost and couldn't see the way.

I saw where I was, I knew I couldn't change me or anyone else, I had to let Jesus change me, he was my only way to be salvaged. He is life and light, He is the Way, the Truth and the life. No man can come to the Father but by Him. I thank my Lord and my God, my Savior Jesus Christ for saving me. Some of you might have that same problem, if you do, allow Jesus to lighten your way, Eternal life is forever. Where will you spend Eternity? I love you all. Go find the real life, Eternal Life. Just remember, God looks on the heart, man looks on the outer side of you. The only way to see yourself the right way is in and through Jesus Christ.

Again, I don't have all the stops and goes of writing, since I didn't get a high school education but I do hope you can read between the lines and hear my heart.